I'm sorry you are feeling this way, @Ncgremlin , and I'm sorry everything is going wrong. I've had those days and they suck.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I don't know if you have anyone in your personal life, but if you do, when someone commits suicide, they end their pain here (on Earth) .. but they leave a lifetime of pain like no other, to those they leave behind.

I"m not sure what happens to the person afterward, when they end their life. I hate the thought of my mother burning in hell for ending her life. I don't think it would be so nice for you either. Thing is .. none of us knows what happens to us after.

I went through a period of 10+ yrs where it seemed like everything went wrong from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed. It got to the point where I would say "is this a joke?" to every thing that went wrong. It was so bad that I just started laughing at everything that would go wrong, as what else can you do. This was to the smaller things, like a computer breaking, stepping in cat throw-up, nasty people, getting ripped off, a flat tire, or even lost gas cards, that yes, when they keep piling up ontop of each other .. can become so overwhelming, you feel like you just can't take it anymore. I think all those little things could drive you crazy if you let them. Our time here is so short .. in the grand scheme of things .. I hate to think those things are worth more than our lives. (the smaller things I mentioned in my list here .. I just made those up, because I actually can't remember what all the things were, that kept going wrong for so many years .. if you hang in there, I bet one day, all this bad stuff will be a distant memory for you too )

As far as the more serious things go, I was so bitter for 18 yrs over my mom's suicide, and looking at other people's lives, thinking how good they all had it, but one day I said to myself .. these are the cards you've been dealt .. it's up to you how you choose to play them. I probably read something along those lines somewhere, but whatever the case, I said it to myself, and it helped, once I changed my outlook on everything. I do believe that at some point, we all get our share of both good, and bad.

Things still aren't so great all the time, but I find joy in the little things. Just looking out the window and seeing the leaves blowing in the wind, a beautiful sunset, or a squirrel makes me happy. Or music .. that's my drug of choice. Try to find things that bring you a small bit of joy. Many of the best things in life are free, I think.

If nothing you try on your own helps, perhaps you can look into professional help too. Not sure what your financial situation is, but there are plenty of resources available, no matter what your financial situation is. There are many different therapists, etc. May take a while to find one who is right for you, but I think all that possibly can be done, should be done.

Just some input from someone who understands all aspects of this.

I just heard this song last night for the first time, which I think is really nice. Not sure if you have friends or anyone in real life, but there are some nice people here. Try to focus on the good here, and tune out the rest.

 

I can almost bet that everyone here has days that just suck and nothings seems to be going right. Just because they’re not venting about them doesn’t mean they don’t have them. I think you’re entitled to vent. Just as much as people say they’re entitled to speak their minds or act shitty to someone. If you feel overwhelmed or stressed out for whatever reason. That’s completely normal. It’s okay not to be okay sometimes. As a few suggested try to focus on the little things that make you happy. There are people here that will listen if you need to get things off your mind. Best wishes to you and I hope things get better for you soon.

 

The lyrics to this is sad but also can be relatable to some and sometimes it’s good to just find things relatable. It has a few different meanings depending on how the lyrics are taken…. and it’s actually a beautiful song. Hope you like it.

 

Still no titty pics...

 

Playmate pours her heart out and people still mock this man who is clearly exhibiting classic signs of depression. It is a silent killer. Serious shit not to be taken lightly. No matter what he may have commented to people in the past, This, open forum, is like a community. Everyone may need some compassion on a bad day, week, month, or even year. NC, see your doctor soon. Any doctor should do. Tell him you are feeling depressed. They have tests to verify and Happy Pills waiting to help you out if you need them. Please get better.

 

Thank you for the support and the kind words.